No, this is not about the movie starring Jennifer Anniston.Actually, I don't think that is the right title but I could'nt figure out what to put also.
The title should be like "The Guy Who Slept With You And Did'nt Call The Next Day" but that is just too long and sound so wrong considering the fact that it was'nt true but then, the feelings are exactly the same..... I suppose... since I don't know how that feels, I could only assume.
This is going to be lengthy.. So, yea...
I'm not trying to b*tch about the guy.. hence, his identity will be protected.
Few weeks ago, I met someone from my old work place. A friend of my friend. He asked for my number for few times and I gave because the way he said it makes it feel save for me to give. He was'nt like all "Ive got hots for you baby.."
We just got to talk and he said that I'm a nice girl and asked for my number. So, i thought why not right? He did'nt say he likes me or anything.Hence, I gave him my number.
Then, he did'nt call. THE END.
Kiddinglah. If it's that simple, I would be happy loh. Basically, he was gentleman enough (or so i thought) because he did SMS me after he got my number. So, that is actually decent enough right? When a guy asked for a girl's number, he should call but in Asian country, SMS already good enough.
So, we got to know each other and eventually I found out that this guy, well, I feel rather comfy with. Usually, I just avoid people because I don't like the hassle to get to know a new person......
We rarely talk but because he sleeps late, it was nice to chat with someone at night when I'm #foreveralone T.T
Then come this guy whom I wanted to avoid and made me turn to him because since he is a guy, his perspective should be different and also because as I said, he sleeps late and I’m usually only free at night. Because of that, we grew closer and he started calling me and we just chat.
It was all the small talks that I misses
I honestly admit that it was really damn nice to have someone who calls you till you go to sleep. Especially with people who you can actually have proper conversation with and we got to know each other more. I got to know more about him and the things he likes, only to found out that we actually have many similar likes.
The past few guys I dated... we LITERALLY had nothing in common and thinking back, what the hell did I used to talk to them about???
Things happened between us went too fast…
At that time, I was happy. However, with so many mistakes I made in the past regarding how my feelings truly are, I was really scared to where this will lead us. I'm scared that I will hurt him or he will hurt me when we grew closer.
With the past few guys I dated, I realize that I've never really likey like them and dated them out of loneliness, which was really wrong. I'm just worry that all these good feelings I was having are the same thing.
So, I actually told him that I want us to back off and just go back being friends because I knew we won't have a future together as there are 2 major problem :-
a) He isn't a Christian
b) He smokes
So, I was just really worry because the future with us..? Well, I can't see it. This happened last Thursday. He actually asked whether can he call me and talked things out. I said okay because THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO! I would never just like tell people off and don't give them a chance to speak because THAT IS SIMPLE WRONG & DISRESPECTFUL.
As the conversation went on, he managed to persuade me to stay on with him and see how this thing goes. I told him that I am actually HAPPY being alone because I can crush on whoever I want and not be committed to anyone. *damn.. should'nt have said that* actually.............. should'nt have stayed on and should have stand firm on what my heart tells me at that time and walkaway but I did'nt listen.
We officially went out the next day. Our first date I suppose. Went and watched a lousy movie 'John Carter' and he paid for it (gentleman marks ++) Our first night out turned out to be pretty good. It was short but in that short period of time, he made me convinced that I do like him and not wanting him only to fill my loneliness.
That night, I had a feeling that was different than before and I was finally happy.
He gave me a lot of promises and hopes in that short period of time... I was foolish enough to actually gave in to those hopes, promises and future he promised me.
In fact, after our first date, like the next night, He told me he loves me. LIKEEE WHHHAAATTTT??!!!! I was feeling like... that was really fast.. Cause I am no where near that! We just had our first date... *LESSON LEARNED: Always runaway from the guy who said I love you after knowing you for less than 3 weeks and went out with you on a date ONCE*
So, I've never said that back to him because that word is something very serious and I want to mean it for sure when I say it.
However, I was really happy nonetheless... to actually hear it from someone whom I like.
He asked me to have lunch with him on Mon. Remember this.... He asked me to stay with him on Thursday, we went out on our first date on Fri, he told me he loves me on Saturday, he asked me to have lunch with him on Sunday and in between those few days.. he keep saying stuff about our future and all like he would cook for me FOR SURE, he will take me down to KL to eat some JAP food and travel together.... Here comes MONDAY.
He picked me up from my workplace, we went for lunch, gave me a present which he said he won for me, dropped me back to my work place and did'nt sms me at all. Usually he would.
So, I did instead. He replied saying he is really busy right now and he wants to be left alone and hoped that I will understand.. He said it has nothing to do with me and asked me not to think so much.
So, okayloh. I did... I told him I will and asked me to text me when he settled his stuff. However, even during lunch time, I felt something is wrong. 4hours later, he still didnt reply me. I started to get worry. Texted him and asked how he is and whether is he okay? He actually read it and for the first time... He did'nt reply me and just ignored me...
I was really upset cause my instinct tells me that something is wrong.. not him wrong but us wrong.
I went out and talked to my friend about it. She told me to either to cut it off now or bear with whatever might happens in the future.
As the night comes to and end, I decided to tell him that I want to be Single and be happy. I want to leave him now whenever I still have the strength. It will be hard but I will try. (hidden meaning : PLEASE FIGHT FOR ME!) I know. I prolly should'nt have said that but in the end I realize it did'nt matter.
He still did'nt reply me. One word from him telling me to stay would have made me stay by his side. I went to bed feeling uneasy, I woke up at 6a.m because I could'nt sleep and eventually I read his text saying "I want to focus on my career now, Thank you for understanding. I'm sorry. I wish you a lifelong happiness"
Now, I think back... my feeling is "WTF??!!!"
However, my feelings then was tremendously hurt. My heart was feeling ache that I could'nt bear literally. I started crying out loud.
I look like this x5 times worse. No kidding.
The pain that stabs straight through your chest but yet you can't do anything where you actually at that point rather have a knife to stab through your heart because at least that pain will end.
The amount of pain I felt was surprising even to me cause I thought I did’nt like him that much but I realize it was because when I start to have hope in us, he decided to crush all of that and I just felt so betrayed.
I told him I wanted to talk and whether can he call me? He ignored me and replied at night saying he is tired and wants to sleep now (talk about I can't sleep without hearing your voice.. *shrugs*)
I called him a min after i received the message 3 TIMES and he did'nt pick up.... Neither did he asked me whatsup the next day for calling him so many times. Talk about DECENCY compare to when I first knew him.
I cried from 6a.m to 11.30p.m. My mom actually saw and heard me cry and kept asking me what happened because she has never seen me cry like this before.
He said he won't make me feel insecure with him on Sunday but he went and do all these?
The last time I was deeply hurt was four years ago when a guy I fell for walkaway from me without saying a word. I cried for him A YEAR. Unable to find my closure, called him up in the middle of night and asked him what happened after a year. After that, I cry for him no more and we are friends now.
Hence, I knew this time will be the same. I need to know what happened in that few hours to make him turn ICE COLD. He played me?
That is what everyone tells me but I want to hear it from his mouth because if I don't I will just end up making pathetic excuses like "Maybe he has a reason... maybe it’s really because of his career and when he is settle down, he will come back to me??" damn bullsh*t loh me.
On wednesday night, I texted him and told me everything I feel and asked him or literally begged him to talk to me so that we can both move on as friends because I just needed that. I told him if he has the slightest respect for me,he would and HE SHOULD.
The fact that I dated a 26 year old ADULT!! I expected him to behave like one and end things in a proper manner. Just say the truth and don't just avoid people. He told me that he is a straight forward guy and all and his philosophy of hurting now by knowing the truth is better. Where that hell of a philosophy went??
Even when I poured my hearts out to him, put my pride to NOTHING he still did'nt reply me.
That time, MY HURT AND PAIN has turned into ANGER & HATRED. I was just so MAD at him for handling it in such way. Like what I said "SLEPT WITH A GIRL AND DID'NT CALL AFTER" I mean how jerky that is?
However, I knew in my heart at that time.... My heart is still so soft for him.No matter how much lies, if he would just say sorry and wants me back. I would say yes. #damnyoupatheticself.
So, on Sunday night. I could'nt take it anymore and texted him and asked whether is he still avoiding me or is he ready to talk now. He still gave me the BS about career and does'nt want to talk. SUCH a WHIMP i tell you.
Whatever happen to that guy I met eh? He literally vanished. I was just so hurt and angry, I called him... he did'nt pick up. Then I just told him like why can't you just pick up? I made it really clear that I'm not asking him back, he does'nt need to worry and I just want my closure lah....
That fellow actually scolded me in a way.. in a bitchy and annoyed way asking me to bug off. *roll eyes* So, I was just getting more angry and demanded for my answer..
NO! I DEMANDED FOR MY RESPECT because if he wants to leave me, he should do it in a respectful manner which is to TELL THE TRUTH! So, I annoyed him until he reluctantly say he will answer me but via whatsapp. wtfffff....
FINALLY!!!! He spoke the truth. He does'nt think we are suitable for each other a.k.a I am not good enough or he does'nt like me anymore. I thought I would cry when I read that but I end up smiling and laughing.
Like wtttffff….. like this only ISIT?? I told him why can't he just tell me this a week earlier? That will save me tones of pain, hurt and tears. At that moment, I was finally free and had my closure. Felt like a big burden just got lifted up. Gosh! I thank him for finally DOING THE RIGHT THING.
I told him that he should just be honest and I would understand. Come on lah..we went out for a week.... Yes, he is wrong for saying I LOVE YOU and gave me a hope for our future and all but I can't expect him to actually fall for me forever and ever??? He knew one side of me but there is the other side of me whom not many people can accept especially EGOISTIC man.
I totally understand he would say that because I always fall out of love/crush on guys when I get to know them more. Best example would be siwon.
Siwon is like the ULTIMATE PERFECT IDEAL man and you thought how can anyone not fall in love with this man.. until you know him more and realize that he is actually extremely lame and that desire for this man? ALL GONE! hahaha.
On that very night, all the sudden, all the 'hurt and pain' , 'anger and hatred' which transform from the love I have for this person changed again.. to the love for your neighbour. I believe that when you really did like someone, that feelings should'nt just disappear... Where are all those strong feelings gone to once two person no longer together??
At that point, I'm back to feeling really comfortable with this guy again but as a friend and nothing more. However, I don't think he can cause even though I was trying to break the awkwardness between us, he still puts up his wall and damn cold to me, prolly thinking that "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SICK PERSON ANYMORE! SHE IS ANNOYING GOSH CLINGY!"
HAHAHAHA! i won't blame him. Who asked him so sui don't answer me when I asked.. He would just have to deal with that side of me who would do whatever it takes to fight for what I want.
I do wished that I could turn back in time to change things. I wish I never gave my number to him... or I wish I did'nt stay when he asked me to..... Should have turn away...
There will be people who can't understand why I did what I did. Why was I so pathetic and total #shameless and #prideless. Why can't I just save myself from humiliation and walkaway?
Even if I explained prolly some of you still think that I should'nt have done what I did but I knew if I did'nt, I prolly would still be crying at this point and still waiting for him to "COME BACK COME BACK TO ME LIKE YOU WOULD YOU WOULD IF THIS WAS A MOVIE - Taylor Swift"
I believe in my heart that this is the right thing to do. He should have done the right thing by being honest but he did’nt, so, I would be the bigger man instead and force him to talk things out.
I am telling this out because I need people to fight for your own HAPPINESS no matter what it takes. So what if people thinks that you are shameless or so what if that guy thinks that you are annoying?
They don't live your life... ~!!You do! I'm glad I did that because I AM IN A PLACE WHERE I CAN BE HAPPY NOW.I thought I could never let go of the hurt.
A friend of mine told me that she was really proud for doing what I did because she faced the same thing but she never has the courage to confront that guy and end up living in hurt for a long period of time.
For me, honesty is so crucial whether when you are together or after that because no matter what
happened, the other person deserves to know the truth because THAT IS CALL RESPECT!
It has nothing to be ashamed of if you are saying the truth. I told him I cried for him, I told him that I was really hurt and I need to talk to him.
Those were the truth and I'm glad I told him because that means I have done my part fighting for us and if he still wants to walkaway, then it has nothing to do with me anymore and I would never live in regret thinking "what if I told him how I feel? Would he come back??what if? what if? what if?"
A guy friend of mine told me that GUYS will always avoid confrontation and choose to walk away thinking that oh it will hurt that person less and all. Dude, that is so so wrong. If you respect that girl even if you don't like her anymore, tell her the truth and set her free please......
So yea... CONCLUSION of this whole PERSONAL STORY of mine
1) FIGHT FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS and put your ego & pride down if that is what preventing you from being set free.
2) GUYS.... for crying out LOUD! Don't ever walk away just like that from a girl and GIVE BS answers like focusing on career or others because we girls know that it is not the TRUTH.
**I do wish that he would one day be back into the friend I once knew of and stop avoiding me though... It would be a shame to lose a friend that way.
*** I'm thankful to have my friends that i can turn to when I was in a low point